How should I tell you?

How should I say this?
How should I tell you?

That you trying to help me isn’t working..
That I ended up losing my trust in you,

The day you decided to lie and hurt me,
Was the beginning of all the sadness.
These walls I built, I made them to keep you away.

When I asked you to keep it between us.
You told another, who you love and trust.
I’m not mad at you,


But I don’t know if I can trust you again.
My words and emotions were meant to be kept a secret,
I didn’t want others to know…
But you let them know!

I feel so lost and confused,
I can’t run to you anymore.
You just make me sad and cry more than I should.

You're my dearest friend,
But now you're just a stranger in my life…
And I want you to leave me alone.

You and her don’t make me happy,
You and her make me want to die,
You and her can’t help me…

She doesn’t understand what I’m going through or feel.
You are to stupid see how I feel…
I know you're trying but you are making it worse.

I want to disappear and be erased…
I don’t want to deal with this feeling,
I don’t want you to see me like this.

I just want to disappear…
Until I can fix myself and go on with my life.

Self portrait??

So I was trying to do a self portrait and I don't think it came put well....
I look so weird @.@ I'm such a weirdo

As I child I knew of a man who's tall as can be,

He made out of shadows and darkness,

He greets me in my my room at night,

He stands in front on my bed, or he sits on the edge always watching me.

He reads and tells me stories about a land far away,

Of a place better than the life I live.

He tells me secrets on how to get their.

Some of the secrets are sad...some are.scary, but never happy.

He ask me to give him my hand to take me to the far away land.

I'm scared I tell him no, I'm too small to get away.

He tries to pick me up from my bed but I hide in my blankets,

He can't get me from under my blanket but he does not leave my side.

I humm until the sun comes out because that's when he is really gone.

The sun is his weakness but he will return the next night.

He visits me every evening and every night,

I know he's there, he's always watching me.

But he never bothers me.

He whispers in my ears and waits to see if I a wake and turn to him.

But I never do, he has placed fear in me.

He always watches me and I always pretend to be asleep.

He won't leave me, he has made sure...he'll take me to the place far away.

Even if I like it or not.

Update!!

Q3Q I've been gone for so long here, I am so sorry, I lot of stuff has happen since I've been away. I have a new boyfriend and our one month anniversary is coming up!! I'm so happy I'm with him he's makes my life so much brighter and beautiful.

I've also am getting help for my depression and I'm also starting a diet, I might go into surgery soon. Q3Q if I do go under it will be great. But if I do good I won't need it at all.

I recently gotten into makeup and well, Q.Q when you meet the man you love with all your heart. You try to look better for him, I know that he doesn't care about looks, because he loves me so much to think of that, but it's kinda fun too dress pretty. And he just gives me more confidence to love myself like I should.