Moo, I'm a cow!

I love cows so much xD

Pizza!

Today I ended up making pizza for my first time in years. The last time I remember ever making it I was five and I ended up adding onions and crying, because I hates onions. I still do to a point but not as much as I used to.
My brother ended up adding his toppings on his. And I swear that was one if the most delicious pizza's I had. I got full after three slices.
I might make more in the future again. 😺

I redrew my OC once again, She looks nice as a full demon. Don't you think?
I might draw more stuff soon, if I decided to not draw big detailed drawings, like the stupid one I'm making at the moment.

How should I tell you?

How should I say this?
How should I tell you?

That you trying to help me isn’t working..
That I ended up losing my trust in you,

The day you decided to lie and hurt me,
Was the beginning of all the sadness.
These walls I built, I made them to keep you away.

When I asked you to keep it between us.
You told another, who you love and trust.
I’m not mad at you,


But I don’t know if I can trust you again.
My words and emotions were meant to be kept a secret,
I didn’t want others to know…
But you let them know!

I feel so lost and confused,
I can’t run to you anymore.
You just make me sad and cry more than I should.

You're my dearest friend,
But now you're just a stranger in my life…
And I want you to leave me alone.

You and her don’t make me happy,
You and her make me want to die,
You and her can’t help me…

She doesn’t understand what I’m going through or feel.
You are to stupid see how I feel…
I know you're trying but you are making it worse.

I want to disappear and be erased…
I don’t want to deal with this feeling,
I don’t want you to see me like this.

I just want to disappear…
Until I can fix myself and go on with my life.

Self portrait??

So I was trying to do a self portrait and I don't think it came put well....
I look so weird @.@ I'm such a weirdo

As I child I knew of a man who's tall as can be,

He made out of shadows and darkness,

He greets me in my my room at night,

He stands in front on my bed, or he sits on the edge always watching me.

He reads and tells me stories about a land far away,

Of a place better than the life I live.

He tells me secrets on how to get their.

Some of the secrets are sad...some are.scary, but never happy.

He ask me to give him my hand to take me to the far away land.

I'm scared I tell him no, I'm too small to get away.

He tries to pick me up from my bed but I hide in my blankets,

He can't get me from under my blanket but he does not leave my side.

I humm until the sun comes out because that's when he is really gone.

The sun is his weakness but he will return the next night.

He visits me every evening and every night,

I know he's there, he's always watching me.

But he never bothers me.

He whispers in my ears and waits to see if I a wake and turn to him.

But I never do, he has placed fear in me.

He always watches me and I always pretend to be asleep.

He won't leave me, he has made sure...he'll take me to the place far away.

Even if I like it or not.

Update!!

Q3Q I've been gone for so long here, I am so sorry, I lot of stuff has happen since I've been away. I have a new boyfriend and our one month anniversary is coming up!! I'm so happy I'm with him he's makes my life so much brighter and beautiful.

I've also am getting help for my depression and I'm also starting a diet, I might go into surgery soon. Q3Q if I do go under it will be great. But if I do good I won't need it at all.

I recently gotten into makeup and well, Q.Q when you meet the man you love with all your heart. You try to look better for him, I know that he doesn't care about looks, because he loves me so much to think of that, but it's kinda fun too dress pretty. And he just gives me more confidence to love myself like I should.

A sad apology

Good night my sweet prince...

For I have hurt you just like my past lovers had to me.

I made a mistake and hurt you deeply,

I don't know if you'll see me again.

I think you will ever..

But I am truly sorry,

I want to make things right,

I want to be forgiven for my sins.

But I know I will never get that.

You're to hurt to do that.

And I know....I know.

I'm sorry, but I still love you.

You're my light, and will stay that way.

I'll just remain in my darkness,

Remembering my sins...

Until I can forgive myself.

Just another one...

Time has come to rest and I take a deep breath,

It's a restless night once again.

My heart can't stop crying and neither can I.

I look at my clock, its 4:30 am

I'm shrug and groaned a little as I sit up in my bed.

Motionless and tired I look at the floor,

Before I stand up and take the bottle on my drawer with my glass of water.

I open the bottle and take one out, placing it in my palm.

Running my finger on it before I decide to swallow it out.

With a single tear I take a deep breath and cry silently.

I watch the clock as time passes, but it doesn't help.

I can't close my eyes.

One wasn't enough...

So I take another.

One was to help me sleep,

Two were to help it go faster,

Three to make it last,

Four to make me dream a little longer,

Five to make me wonder my dreams in tears,

Six where to make me forget the pain.

Seven where to make time pass for a long while.

Eight were enough to help it end.

But nine, ten, and eleven where to make sure I would never come back...

To never make that pain come again,

To try and let you go.

To give a reason to move on...

So I can restart...

So you can move one,

So I could disappear...

Last Dance

Dancing in this ballroom filled with people in masquerade, 
My crimson dress glides with ease in this silent dance,
My partner is tall and mysterious as he takes control.
My body is wrapped in my partner’s arms as he takes me into this dance.

Just like a puppet on its strings,
My steps have no control, 
My actions aren’t mine in this dance,

I am weak with each step,
Yet I do nothing to stop this feeling.
The song will soon come to an end but will this also be mine?
He whispers against my ear, 
He asks me to be his…
To take his hand and leave.

Those sweet words he speaks against me,
I can feel myself get lost deeper in him.
My mind is going blank as I feel him spin me.
I grip is becoming faint, but he holds me tight. 

He leans in, closing the gap between us,
His lips are so close to mine as I cold shiver runs down my back.
I push away and try to flee but he holds my hand,
Pulling me back into his embrace, 

His firm grip makes me feel weak as the song begin to slow down,
It’s almost time and I fear it so. 
My crimson dress starts to slowly fade to a pale white,

My legs begin to give in as I just stay and dance with him once more, 
The melody is now ending as he lean in again,
This time I don’t stop him.

My dress has completely faded white,
My eyes grow heavy as I can feel my breath come to a slow stop,
While my body goes limp in his arms before I faintly look at his as he removes his mask.
The ghoulish masquerade reveals the face of a dead man.
No, he’s more of of a guardian and protector of the dead.
And I am one of the few he had come to take.

Now the music has come to an end and I lay in his arms.
In my white dress that will now suit as my farewell dress to the others.
He carries me in his hands as everyone moves away silent as they always been,
But now they bow as he walks with me down the pathway and walk out the large doors.

Help Me

Help me see,
Help me sing,
I am lost and I am confused.
I have no one left to save me,

They all have left…
I am all alone.
I am scared,
Please I beg,

Help this pain go away,
I don't want to sing this sad tune,
I don't want to be in this darkness,

It hurts, it hurts
Everything I say is silent,
Everything I do is painful
I am numbed each day after.

I get used and abused,
For what?
Well to just get rid of this pain.
But it doesn’t help.

I feel sick to the core,
I want to scream and shout!
I want to scratch my skin until I feel clean.

But I know that won’t happen…
This feeling won’t go away.
I’m stuck like this…

My only way out may mean goodbye…
But what would it solve?
It will only go to a new host.

I want someone to help me…
Please someone help me.
I’m alone.
I’m so scared...

It Won't Solve Anything...Yet Why..?

Crying won't solve anything,
Drinking won't calm tour sorrows,
Neglecting yourself won't make it all better,
Hurting won't stop the pain..

But yet why does it help?
Why does all this much pain and sadness help?
All these tears, cuts, scratches, and messy body make me feel better?

I'm already a broken mess...
But why when I'm at my end I can always be calmed down,
Just for a while but not for long
Before I repeat this cycle everyday and night

You don't care what I do,
You never did.
But I cared for you...
Yet you pushed me away when you saw my flaws and mistakes.

But its fine.
I wasn't perfect nor will I ever be.
But info know one thing...
Your not perfect,
You will never be perfect.

But to me you where what I wanted.
I didn't feel alone,
But in the end I was alone.

My tears blur my eyes as I cry alone,
I don't want anyone to see me.
As this mess I am
While I have to take all this pills.
Just so I can try and smile
To you and to anyone
And lie that I'm fine.

Because all the cuts,
All the bruises,
The scars,
And these tears

Will let me go one just for another day.

My body has become tired.

Each breath becomes harder

It hurts to breath and smile

My cries have become quiet

My tears leave marks and scars on my cheeks

As my lip become red with my own crimson ink

Everything is becoming faint as I go deeper into the darkness

And no one is here to save me

But do I even want to be saved?

From this hell of mine?

No one would want to save me

So much for the happy ending I'll get.

I can't fake a smile anymore

My mask has been broken for too long

I can hide all the marks, dents, and scratches or these tears.

Just let me close my eyes as my breathing starts to come in a hault,

After all this is my tragic ending.

Sorry I haven't been on. I've been dealing with some things like my depression and I just got out of a serious relationship... And I'm not over it yet...
At least I can write more things to.distract me from it.

Well, its 3:05 am right now and I can't fall asleep yet because of the heat and my headache. I also couldn't sleep because I remembered I haven't posted on here for a few days.
And well...I got sick again! I really hate how bad my immune system is. I am also trying slowly to do better for I might ended up going into surgery if my doctor says its okay for me to start the treatment to prepare me for surgery. Well i think I should say goodnight everyone and I'll post one of my poems soon once I finish it.
Goodnight everyone

I open up a Society6 go look at my art and buy some stuff o3o if I have enough I can sell and make more art.

How should I?

How should I smile?
How should I tell you?
That I’m just tired of everything.
I’m tired being sad.
I’m tired of letting my demons control me.
I pushed everyone away,
Every last one.
Even though I want all of them near me.
I want to tell everyone I’m okay,
I want to tell myself that I’m fine, 
But I’m not! 
I never am.
And I don’t think I’ll ever will…

 So how should I tell you that I’m not fine?
How should I show you all my scars?
How should I show anyone?
That I’m crying at night,
Mixing my sweet bitter tears with my crimson blood,
Throwing my things, pulling my hair and making my skin.
How should I even tell you or show you?
When I am scared to even say anything,
or even look at you, or anyone to be in fact..

 I’m writing this poem to you and to everyone,
Who loves and cares for me,
I want to apologize,
I want to you all to forgive me…
forgive me for all the pain I hid from you,
For all the lies I’ve said.

I just hope these words are stronger than my silent voice...

Her

Her heart is heavy,
Her heart is breaking.
She is crying every night, alone away from others.
She won’t tell a soul, not even the one she loves.
For the one she loves has made her this way.
He loves and protects her,
But he has also hurt her gravely.
With only his words,
He must have been clueless or stupid,
For those words affected her so much.
Breaking down, breathing heavy as she wiped her eyes.
She's alone in her room, trying to stay silent as a mouse.
She wishes to make this pain end,
Yet she was scared to cry for help.
Her protector and savior causes her so much pain,
He tries to keep her in his glass cage,
But that glass cage is slowly cracking.
With his words and her cries filled with tears.

Her heart hurts, from the breaking,
Letting it become heavy from the pain.
His words are becoming pins and knives,
His actions are like a shotgun,
Firing a bullet at the injured fawn.
Her eyes they beg him to love and protect her,
Not hurt her than he has already done...

Candles

In the room their lay 17 candles, 
In my hand I hold one, 
It is new and untouched and I wait for the clock to strike 1, 
Just an hour after midnight. 
17 candles stand tall and lit in the room as I place the newest one, 
I take a breath before I lighting it up with a kiss, 
My candles drip down slowly, showing all the tears I have cried in my time. 
Breathing slowly as my newest candle begins to drip. 
Slowly and painful, yet sweet. 
My collection of candles grow once a year. 
They never seem to end, 
They just grow...grow with me. 
I am no longer a child. 
Yet I am still not an adult. 
My candles are small but yet big, 
They tell my life and I am okay with it, 
As long as no one besides me blows them out.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is a special day, 
Tomorrow will be my my senior dance, 
Tomorrow I will dance and have fun with my friends, 
Tomorrow I will laugh and play around with my friends, 
Yet tomorrow when everyone begins to slow dance with their dates, 
I will just sit in my chair and watch; trying not to cry. 
From the heartache of not being able to dance with the one I love. 
For we are miles away... 
And he has already experienced this dance with another, 
While this will be my first. 
Tomorrow I will not let my heart ache take over me, 
Because I have other friends who will be with me, 
And company me on this slow dance... 
Tomorrow will be fun. 
Tomorrow will be sad. 
But tomorrow will be my first and last senior dance. 
I will spend every minute with my friends until the next day.

Yooo

I have an Instagram now! where I'll be posting my art. Follow me! @3zumii

I haven't been on much, school keeps stressing me out. But good thing I got a new phone and I might try and upload through it if I'm not to tired or lazy.
Anyways, I just finish my some of my class assignment...I might help out more if I have the energy. enjoy what I drew.

Never mind. I just wasted ten minuted kicking him and ignoring the movie

watching a movie with the waifu

Just A Little Longer... (story poem for one of my characters)

Let me love you for a little longer; before time stops and you are gone.
Just a little longer please; I want to give you all my love,
Before we have to say goodbye.
We weren't meant to be; but to me you were perfect,
from the first moment I found you.
Small and delicate; sleeping calmly in my womb.
It wasn't meant to be; but I just wanted to have you,
Every heart beat we shared; and every breath, laugh, and tears we shared,
Was just perfect.
I don’t want to lose you; but our fate wasn't connect like I thought it was,
I will love you till your end; because you were worth it.
As Death comes and take you in his arms; I want you to know,
That I love you more than the day and night,
I only wish is that I could of spent the rest of my life loving you.

My heart beats heavy; in this hollow soul
My heart pounds against my chest; loud and painfully.
Every breath I take become harder to breath.
Like I’m falling into a dark abyss; making it hard to scream.
I want to make it stop but I can’t; because I’m the cause of this problem,
All I asked is that this pain won’t stop; for the day it stops,
It will be the day I’ll take my last breath.
My tears fill this abyss; as my nails mark my skin like I've done to these walls,
I am tempted by Death’s sweet kiss; but I know that kiss is not for me yet,
I still have time here; I still have something to do; I still need to make my mark,
Just to make the ones I love proud; just a little bit but not a lot.
As my heart beats louder against my chest; taking my words and screams I away,
I do not fear this; This will end one day but not soon.
As every breath get harder; I know that this will only last for a while until it is my time.

Tonight

I just cried in my bed tonight,
Mostly because I wrote something to my friend that they will never see.
Until after my wedding day.
Until I know I am far away from them and they won't see me cry,
And before I could change my mind.
Because by then they'll be living a better life.
And they might be with someone new.

I don't want to be a stain from there past.
Even as I write this I am still crying.
I can't stop the tears from falling no matter how much tissues I use.

Because I wrote something with my heart in my letter to them.
Because I'm too stupid and scared to show them.
But not to strangers.
Because I'll let strangers read my heart before them.
I'll let them wait not knowing I wrote them something to personal and dear to me.
I am a coward.
I am the worst.
Because I'll rather wait until I'm married and starting my own life,
Then to let them know before I put them in so much shock and pain.
Before I commit to a life of marriage.

As I continue typing, I slowly begin to stop crying,
I wish that everything I wrote was because I was sick.
That my fever let my heart speak,
Letting it honestly speak about something I hid and blocked away.
Now I only wish is to sleep tonight without tears.
It doesn't look pretty at all more because I am sick.

I’m Not an Angel Nor am I a Demon

I’m not an Angel nor am I a Demon,
Daughter of both.
My mother and Angel and my father a Demon,
The are both different,
But yet they both fell in love and created me.
Now I stand here,
Wondering who I am,

Am I an Angel?
Am I a demon?
Or am I just trying to be human?
I am neither but I am all.

My birth is a curse,
My birth was not meant to be,
For a child created from two,
Who where both to hate,
To hate each other…
They found love and made me.

I am an Angel’s and Demon’s creation,
A smudge for Heaven and Hell,
Yet both places fight to keep me,
A rare beauty,
A weapon against each other.

I wasn’t meant to be loved,
Yet why do I receive it?
Why do I have so much to give?
I am just a mistake to this world, right?


A Demon and Angel’s child…
That’s what I am... 
And that what I will stay,
Until...I can find a place of my own,

A place that will love me for me,
Not from what I am,
But from my heart and soul.
This cursed creature I call myself,
Will one day find A place,
A place to call home…

For I am not Angel nor a Demon...

Not A Perfect Family

I don’t come from a perfect family,
It’s not an average family,
It likes to play the role of a happy family,
but I know,
We know know better.
We never been happy,
I never been happy.
I never smiled truly in my family,
Especially to my parents.
I only tried to smile to siblings.

I play the role of the older sister.
I know my role and I do it accordingly,
But I can never pull it off right.
When the parents are the critiques.


When they tell you, 
“You are no good,”
“No one one would love you for your looks,”
“You will never make it in life,”
“You can’t do anything right,”
“Why aren’t you a normal child?
“Why must you be an embarrassment.”
“Can’t you pretend to be the child I wanted?”


I can never be perfect,
I can never be good.
I am a puppet and they are the puppeteer.
Moving me with their stings. 

In my family no is happy,
My mother is scared of my father,
Yet refuses to leave him,
For she loves him dearly,

My father is an cranky old man,
He’s disappointed in everything we do,
Mostly me.
I could never be the son he wanted,
Even though he already has two.

He hurts and abuses us,
Breaks us also.
But we stand up again,
Not to worry others.

My siblings and I were raised to believe this was okay,
And even though he doesn’t hurt us like before,
It still hurts when he breaks our spirit.

Running away,
Hiding,
And refusing to enter our house is he is there is a normal thing,
Mostly to me.

Daughter of the Sun and the Moon.

Child of the night,

Daughter of the day,

Hair as dark as the night,

Eyes as bright as the stars,

Skin golden brown,

Body soft and warm to the touch,

Voice soft and calming yet loud and filled with emotion.

 Heart full of love,

Selfless yet selfish,

Afraid but bold,

Scared but courageous,

Happy but broken,

Surrounded by many but yet alone,

 Spending her life in a dream

Not afraid to love but scared to be rejected

Hurt so much but still able to stand,

Smiles without a worry to keep others strong,

Caring nature by heart.

 A child with too much love in her heart,

Not afraid to give it to others,

For a she asks is for it to be return equally,

Not to be hurt nor abuse,

 Crys so sweet yet painful,

Lips soft and small,

Pure yet sinful to the touch

Touch so delicate and tempting.

But prefers to stay in a dream.

 Like a Sleeping Beauty.

Dreaming for days,

Dreaming of a better life of her own,

Sweet dreams are a bliss

Yet fell for those beautiful nightmares,

Dark but sweet.

While her sweet dreams tempt her with a better place.

 Dreaming with a smile as she sleeps,

Daughter of the Sun and the Moon.

A traveler of dreams,

Hoping to become the keeper of dreams.

My Mother and Father and My New Ones

My mother is an Angel and my father is a Demon, two opposite yet one thing in common...love.  
Love is the thing that has brought them together and the thing that has caused them pain, mostly my mother. She plays the role of a wife and mother, and in my time I've seen her happy and sad, I've also seen her try to return back to Heaven. My father plays the role of a husband and father, I've seen him happy and angry, I've also seen him as a terrifying creature. They are both so opposite they make me wonder what I am, what me and my brothers are. I am neither an Angel nor a Demon. 
I'm too sinful to be an Angel and caring to be a Demon. I am a creature made from an Angel and a Demon. Marked with their crimes, cursed to live a life of pain and misery for their sins. Casted out of Heaven before even getting a chance, banished from Hell for being innocent of the crimes others accuse me of. The only place for me is limbo; the land of the forgotten, Ah yes, that is my home for I am just more lost soul in this world. No place to go after life, just to stay here where no one will care if I'm still here or not.
My wings are broken; they've been removed from my body and casted away to the moon, from the ones who call themselves my Parents. The Moon is my only companion, it gives me comfort when no other can, it calms my fears, fills my dreams with a sweet bliss, when nothing else can. 
I’m a one of the children marked by Lilith. Lilith who was Adam’s first wife banish from Eden for wanting to be independent and more of herself after she took a bite from the forbidden fruit, after Lucifer convinced her to try it. She’s strong and independent, but that caused her much pain. Pain of never being a mother, never having her own bliss; to have a place of her own. All she can do if take in poor souls who need a mother, someone to love them; like me.
The mother of all demons became my new mother, while my real one only caused me pain. In my heart and mind I have no mother but Lilith says otherwise. For my pain and misery has called her and she will take the role as my mother, if I want it or not because deep inside I want a mother. A mother to love me the way I always wanted...without pain or misery, with love and compassion.
My father, he’s more of a demon in my eyes, giving pain endless pain in the place I call home. I dream of a father who can raise me as their princess or prince. And with that, not knowing my new father became the King of Hell. Misery and pain that is his home, and that is now mine. It doesn't hurt me nor scare me, for this is a blissful pain. His home shall be mine, as he caused pain and misery to the wicked and damn. I lay in the crimson bed in a dark room, that beats with my heart and soul. He keeps me safe and secure while his wife and my mother, Lilith sings to me. She sings to me songs from her heart, as she caresses my cheek, watching me with the love she could not give.
In this dark room covered in crimson silks and large windows over my head and the side of my room, letting me have the warm of the moon with me. For the only things I asked them was to keep the moon, to keep it by my side and the gladly agree.
I am their child, their princess if I please to call myself that...

Time

Time. Time is moving. Time won’t stop. Time won’t change. It’s never ending. All you can do is run, Time won’t stop, Not for you or me. You can’t cheat or change it, It will go on, even if you don’t want it, Time won’t go back, Only you. Time. It has no feeling or care, It does it’s job, It plays it’s role, Day by day, Night and day, Nothing will stop it. Not even you or me, You can’t change it or fix it. That’s not your role, It’s not your part. Nor is it mine.

I'm Not Okay

I wanted to try and draw today,
But I’m tired and distracted,
I cried the whole evening not why or caring,
My heart might have been heavy,
I might have just snapped,
All I know is that I cried and that I’m not okay,
I’m not okay.

Everything feels like it’s attacking me.
My parents,
My sibling,
My imagination,
Myself,
I feel so lost and confused being myself,
And in my body.

I want to sleep and disappear
Just for tonight…
I want to escape all of this.
I don’t think I can even breath and say that I’m fine.
I just want to escape everything.

I don’t even know how to talk to anyone because I feel like this…
I might need to cry more,
But I know that I won’t hurt myself.
I’m to strong for that.

Our past

I stay up at nights and wonder,

Is it love? Or is it just puppy love?

Those two questions play in my head over and over,

Until I find a way to sleep,

I complicate myself with those words,

Mostly out of worry,

That this might just be for now,

But I beg for it to be forever.

But yet I remember our past.

I have loved your for eight years strong,

From the first day I met you.

Though you belong to another that time,

I didn’t care because I hid my feeling for you all those years,

I’ve watched you get hurt by your past lovers,

And I could never understand why I felt so hurt,

I wasn’t them nor you,

But my heart would always ache seeing so hurt,

I would go to you and comfort you,

But at times you would say,

“You’re still a child to know this pain...”

Those worlds would hurt me more,

But I would never show you it,

I would cry out in my room alone,

Hurt and broken from those words,

Yes I’m a child but a child who’s in love,

My life was complicated and you knew,

Others knew,

But no one knew about my feeling for you,

How everyday they got worse, stronger, and painful.

My one sided love got too painful that one day I just had enough,

I ran and hid from you and everyone,

I didn’t want to deal with it and in that time my feelings decreased,

And I was getting to accept it and like you just as friends.

And that’s how we stayed for the past two and a half years.

Then one day, after a drunken chat with our friends,

We all told each of our stupid little secrets,

And I not knowing told everyone of the old feeling I had…

I had for you.

It would have been embarrassing but the alcohol kept me brave,

Keeping me from having second thoughts,

Giving me courage to finally lift my painful burden,

Yet once I said those words it was too late,

I expose my feelings,

Just a little but not a lot.

But you were going to marry another,

And I didn't know how to express myself anymore to you,

All I wanted to do was cry right there

But instead I just got up and left saying nothing,

All remembered from that night was running in the rain,

Running far away from you,

Running from my pain until my legs couldn't take it anymore,

The rain covered my tears but not my heart.

And yet again I hid from everyone,

I wanted to be alone,

I wanted to cry for all those days and I did,

Until my friends began to notice,

They'll ask me if I was okay and I would lie that I was fine,

Just tired or depression was been too strong,

But I knew better,

For the first time in my life I knew my heart,

I knew it was hurt and broken and I had no way of fixing it.

I tried so hard to not love you.

But it was just too hard,

And I couldn't say anything to you from fear and rejection,

It felt like I was dying and I believed it,

And I hoped that you love like I loved you,

But I knew that I could never compare to your wife to be.

Days and months passed and I still refuse to speak with you or our friends,

Hiding and ignoring all ways of contact,

Until one of our friends had enough and found me,

She wanted to see me, her little sister.

She wanted me to tell her what was wrong,

She knew I was in pain,

And she wanted to be someone I could rely on,

I was like her little sister and I finally spoke,

More like cried in her arms.

I finally told someone everything my heavy heart carried,

And she listen to every word until I was done,

She scolded me for not telling her earlier,

But she helped me more than I could ever help myself

And I could never find how to thank her without crying that day,

She helped me a lot and she was my savior,

Making me stronger and helping me forget you,

And it work but I still refuse to see you,

I didn't want to remember and I was glad,

But you still kept on trying to find me,

I didn't go to our regular places for a long time,

And you began to worry,

Because no one would tell you where I was or how I was,

Mostly because not many knew where I was or what I was doing,

Unless I would talk to them and tell them,

And asked them not to talk much about me to you.

And over that time of hiding from you,

You found out your wife to be wasn’t that faithful,

And you called off your engagement,

You were broken hearted and had no one to hear you,

Mostly because the one who would hear you was gone,

I was busy living my life without thinking or loving you.

But yet you found a way to find me,

I didn't want to see you but there you were,

In front of me, not letting me go,

Your eyes were so hurt and I made it worse trying to leave,

You pulled me closer to you and begged me not to go,

My heart ached to those words,

Not from seeing you in pain but because those were the words I said before,

And I broke in anger towards you in your arms,

Trying to break free from your grip I yelled and screamed at you,

I screamed out all the pain you gave me with my eyes covered in my bitter tears,

When you let me free from your grasp I sat on the floor in tears as you watched me,

For the first time you saw my pain,

You saw my broken heart that day,

Instead of helping you helping you heal your broken heart,

You listen to mine,

And apologize for all the pain you gave me all those years,

You apologized to me that whole day in tears,

Two broken hearts cried that day.

One asking for forgiveness for their mistake,

And one who finally broke their silence.

Those bitter tears finally become painfully sweet,

Years if heartache finally gone,

Years of lies finally coming to an end.

And a promise to make it better.

A promise to start out new,

Not as friends but as lovers.

Wings and The Moon

I look up at the night sky,
My wings are as bright as the moon light,
Though now they are the color of the night sky,
Once they where a white as the full moon,
Shining whenever I would soar,
But now they cover the night sky..
My pain and agony,
Not to mention my sins,
They have tainted my wings,
And have broken my wings,

 Big and bright…
Light to the touch,
Graceful and silent in the sky,
Loved by many who seen them,
And now shocks them to see the change,
The change in my wings.
To others they were their hope and dreams,
Now they just seem like a long forgotten dream,
They will never go back to the color they once were,

 I am not a pure angel anymore,
For I have sinned..
Like my mother and father before me,
This wings were my life and a curse,
They would tell the world I was alright,
That no matter how much pain and agony came my way,
I would never let it take me into it’s darkness,
But now,
those words are just empty and fake...

 My wings,
My wings…
They have been ripped from me before,
Torn, broken, and sent to the moon,
The moon who is my companion of the night,
The moon who saved my wings,
Who rescued me from the darkness,
Who protected me and my wings.
Though it could not repair the damage I took
For the toll was too much for me,
Tainting them…
Slowly and painfully.
I watched my wings transform,
Into the wings of the fallen and forsaken
No one could help me,
No one could return what I loved.
The color of the white moon that my wings proudly wore.

 Now showing how far I would always be from the moon,
The moon that save, cared, and protected me,
From the darkness that took my wings,
Forever being the moon companion,
The night.
Lonesome and dark,
Far away from the comforting light that’s so near yet far.

 Now, these wings…
Filled with pain and agony,
Showing the world that I am not alright,
That I’m a fighter,
A lost soul who refuses to give up,
For the moon will wait for me,
And I will fight to restore what has been damaged inside myself,
Hoping one day my wings will shine bright like the moon,
For the moon is my companion,
And I will proudly become it’s night. 

Why?

Why? 
Why are you in my mind?
I left you for a happier life,
But why do you still haunt me,
Why do you appear in my head?
When I am down and don’t want you,
Why?
Do you not know how much pain I am in?
You where the root of it.
Used me, 
Abused me,
Mistreat me,
Lied and so much more.
I don’t want anything to do with you but you appear.
Why can’t you disappear!
I want to be happy and want to soar the blue sky,
But you keep me down and we aren't even together.
I didn’t want to be your damn toy!
I didn’t want to be pushed around by you and your sister!
God I hated it!
Yet I loved you at that time,
But I was glad to not fall for you.
Your love was just an illusion just like you were,
A two face coward and crybaby,
You didn’t even love me and I was glad.
I was glad I left you,
Especially on the most happiest time of the year,
My wings are stronger now,
After you ripped them from me.
Now all I can say to you is,
 “Fuck you. Leave me alone.”
I’m not a damn fool anymore,
After all your love was fake towards me
And my love wasn't even real with you.
I’m glad that I left you, 
A poisonous spider
All I needed was to stomp you down before you could bite me.
Be glad I was nice when I left you. 
Now just let me dream!
You're nothing but a wasted nightmare in my mind.